Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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