even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
