Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
