He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's always time for handjobs
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
