when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
