Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My feet surprised me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
