Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
