the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
