Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
