Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
