The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
