how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
