she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have aggressive nipples.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
