he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
