i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
