I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
