I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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