then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
