I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
