...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
