it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
