when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
