I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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