porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
