She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
