idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
