I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
