better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
