and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
