Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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