the new term for farting is butt boxing.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
