Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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