guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
