Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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