strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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