Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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