I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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