i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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