I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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