She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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