in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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