I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
