I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
