What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
