those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
