She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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