There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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