i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
