You really coming over, don't trick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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