Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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