Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
