I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My dick has a subreddit
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
