Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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