would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
